Dear Laurie.
I miss you. I am sad, and angry, and tired, and I can't sleep. I love you, and right now, I hate you. Well, maybe not "hate" you, but I am so broken, and beside myself with loneliness, I just can't get over it. I miss you so much, yet I can't seem to get past how unabashedly angry I am at you. Perhaps, were someone to read this, they might not understand, or feel the same, but they did not lose their Munch, their baby sister, the one that understood the "tepee" or the "pink wristband" They don't understand how tonight, at Joe and Libby's wedding reception, I was dancing for you. I wore your flip flops, and imagined that you were there too, and that the fun I was having was for both of us. But now that I am sitting here alone, I am quite aware that you were not there. You're far away now, as much as you are in my heart. You're dancing with a much higher purpose now, as you dance for our Lord, and truly party down with Him. Don't get me wrong, I am happy for you, but as the song "Homesick" by MercyMe says, "the reason that I'm broken, the reason that I cry, is how long must I wait to be with you." I am not weeping right now for you, but simply and selfishly, I cry for me. I want to tell you about the anti-theft plunger, and the uterus story, I want to sing the Black Eyed Peas song with you again, and hear you say in your best nasal-y voice "where's my siiis-terrr?" I want to hear one of us ask Mom "se habla espanol" and crack up when she responds "Habla espanol." I have a lifetime full of memories, Munch, and I still want them to be with you. I just want the future back.
Laurie, I am mad at you.
I love you, sister.
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ar·gil·la·ceous: Containing, made of, or resembling clay.
5 comments:
Katie...I hurt everyday thinking of you, because you are the best sister anyone would ever want. I know that because i always wished I had a sister as awesome as you. I just don't have the words to make you better, but I do love you and everything that you are. You are forever in my heart, and always were. What a special woman you are, with such a huge heart. You truely are a gift to this world, and I am happy to have been in your life at one point.
Always thinking of you,
Abby
I am praying for you and your family.
Hi Katie! This is Shayna (Herzig) Leary. Thought I would say hello. I have been thinking of your family and praying for you over the past month. I haven't seen you in ages! I had actually seen Laurie from time to time over the years at LGYC or WCCC. Despite the heartbreaking circumstances, I have enjoyed seeing pictures of your family.
Love, Shayna
I understand Katie. I wretchingly hate being able to say these words and know that this is true. With every fiber of my being, I understand. Let's be lonely together. Soon. I'm going stir crazy for you. We have lots of thoughts for each other. Let's share them. I love you.
(I had posted this on Brooke's website and I think I meant to put it on yours)
Hello!
I've been following the whole situation with Laurie since she was missing (just from news and internet sources). I'm sooo sorry to hear what happened and that you and the rest of your family has to go through this. It has got to be so hard. I am so encouraged that you and your family are relying on the Lord for your strength. That is the only way to get through something like this.
I'm just very confused about it though because I haven't heard one negative thing that was going on in her life. I haven't heard anything about her struggling with anything in life. She loved God and had a strong relationship with Him (from my understanding), volunteered to help others on the weekends, was a good student, had recently gotten engaged, had a good relationship with her family, and continually encouraged those around her (from everything I've read). So...to me it doesn't seem like everything adds up. And even moments before she came up missing, she IMed her fiance and told him that she was still studying. No signs of discontentment of any kind. (i don't mean to make you relive it in any way...sorry). It seems like she had no reason to take her life and no thoughts of it. When I found out about the note that she left, everything went through my head and it seemed from the kind of girl she was, that maybe someone framed her or something. It doesn't seem like anything she could do or would even think of doing. Anyways, I've just been thinking aLOT about it lately. I'm so glad that she knew the Lord is there with Him now. That makes it must more bearable, for you guys too I'm sure. If she was so close to God, there would be no reason for her to take her life...i just don't get it! (And maybe you have some of the same questions or know more about things that were going on in her life).
Anyways, I guess I just want it to all make sense and understand what was going through her head and life.
Thanks for posting that note Laurie wrote to you. That is so neat and it just shows what kind of person she really was.
I am praying for you and your family and am hurting for you too. Keep seeking the One who is in control and loves you more than anyone else ever could.
Revelation 19:6
Philippians 4:13
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