"I remember that as a child, I was unusually preoccupied with fears of being kidnapped. It didn't help that my older brother, Aaron, would tell me tales of The Black Van roaming our neighborhood capturing small children. 'The Black Van, Lizzie; you haven't seen it? It's black, and the windows are dark, and it goes really fast. They just slide the door open and bam! they got ya.'

I was a very small child. Loud, but small. People in school called me Little Lizzie. I knew I was easy to grab. When nobody was around, I practiced screaming. [sic]

So anyway, Aaron would always talk about The Black Van, and I had pretty much accepted my probable fate as a kidnappee. I would bug my mom about it all the time.

'What's the plan if I get kidnapped, mom?'
'Don't worry about it' she'd say 'You're not gonna get kidnapped. We're not rich enough.'
'But The Black Van, Mom-it's in our neighborhood. What would you and Daddy do?'
'Lizzie,' she'd assure me, 'it's not gonna happen.'
'But Mom,' I'd nag, 'what would you do if someone wanted a large ransom for me?'
'Daddy would pay it' she'd say.
'MOM! But what if it were a million dollars, Mom? YOU AND DADDY DON'T HAVE A MILLION DOLLARS!'
'Don't worry about it.' she would say.
'NO!' I wanted to discuss these things. 'What would you do, Mom?'

She would sigh and tell me that they would figure out a way, take a big loan from the bank. She promised that all of my aunts and uncles and grandparents would sell their homes and summer homes just to get me back.

It sort of blew me away. I believed her; this impressed me, but I knew that no one in my family would ever feel the same about me, that their sacrifice would make them resent me, and that I would feel guilty for the rest of my life. I would have drained my whole family.

The little thing inside me knew somehow it would all happen, that one day I'd be stolen, and that getting me back would drain everybody around me and give me a guilt that I'd never completely shrug."

-Lizzie Simon, Detour: My Bipolar Road Trip in 4-D

So that's what I have been thinking about lately... how to be good and grateful to my family and friends. Perhaps find a way to replenish some of what has been drained...