The thing about dying...

Those are the words that have been rattling around in my brain today. The thing about dying is...I actually called a few of my friends who have lost someone, and asked them about it, what they think the thing about dying is.

Dan lost his father a few years back, and he said the thing about dying is that it can't be undone. No matter how hard you desperately wish for another five minutes, for another dance, another hug, another smile, it can't be undone. It is, for this life anyways, a closed book, not a single chapter left to read. He said that when he looks back, he can't help but think of the things he said that he wished he hadn't, and the things he didn't say that he wishes he had.

Chris lost her mother in 1996, and she said the thing about dying is that life still goes on. She told me how it hurts when she thinks about all the things that have happened since then, and that will happen, that her mom didn't get to share. Weddings, and babies, and new jobs, and, well, other deaths. She told me that she is happy her mom isn't in pain anymore, but she is so sad that they don't get to do life together anymore.

Theresa lost her husband last year, and she said the thing about dying is that it is inevitable, but still unimaginable. She told me about her wedding, and how she promised to love him til death, and she meant it but she had no idea that it was only three years away. She said that while we all know in a cognitive sense that we will all perish one day, we are still so taken aback, so destroyed, so surprised when it happens to someone we love.

Dorothy lost her teenaged daughter 8 years ago, and she said the thing about dying is that it changes everything. One day she was a busy mom of four, and the next day, a brutal virus had taken her daughter, and changed the trajectory of their family's lives forever. One day she was picking out a college, and the next day she was picking out a casket. One day she was bright and happy, and the next day she was in a downward spiraling depression. One day she loved God, and the next day she needed God.

Tommy's dad died when he was only 13, and he said that the thing about dying is that whether there is a long, painful illness, or an unexpected end, its a sudden impact with a ripple effect to those left behind. Like the ocean, the tide goes in and out, with ripples left behind somewhere out there. Whether it is a tidal wave, with a giant impact, or a tiny splashing on the shore, behind it are ripples. "Those ripples form and change lives...my life, which changes your life, which changes the next life, and it goes on and on. In the present and for the future...everything has changed course, and can never be the same." He told me that he wonders what kind of man he would have grown into had his father been alive through his adolescence, when he grew into the man he is now. "Would I be the same? Probably not..."

Myself, I think the thing about dying is all of those things, and some more. The thing about dying is that it is permanent. The thing about dying is that I am still here and still going. The thing about dying is that I will still lose more people that I love, and I, too, will die. The thing about dying is that I have a different life now that I have lost. The thing about dying is that my loss has changed me, and those changes will change the people I love, which will change the people they love, and so on...

And the thing about dying is that one day, I will have the answers. One day, I will get to know, see, have the truth, and I will know the thing about dying. The thing about dying is that one day, it will not matter. Today, it is hard, and lonely, and raw, and painful, and broken-hearted, and ugly. But the thing about dying is that one day, when my name gets called, it will not be any of those things for me. It will be a calling home, a celebration with my God, a dance, a party, a true and complete joy. That is the thing about dying...

What do you think is the thing about dying?

Go ahead now, post it as a comment. It doesn't have to be a big deal, just answer exactly as the friends I asked did it...

Finish this sentence for me: The thing about dying is....

Know who I love forty nerdy? Todd Hollandsworth... I thought it would be nice to take a picture to show you all what I do with my free time (all three minutes of it!) I organize my Todd cards. Laugh if you must...

Forty nerdy...

Alright, this will be brief, but I felt like sharing something with y'all that put my heart in a good place today...some words from my little girl, Maya.

We were snuggling on the couch, and she looked at me and said "Mom, I love you forty nerdy." With one eyebrow cocked, and a smile on my face, I simply said "um, what?" She repeated it. "I love you forty nerdy, like the TV commercial." I shrugged, and told her I loved her forty nerdy too, even though I had no idea what she was talking about, or what it meant. About an hour later, we saw the commercial. It is for a diamond company, and is sweet and mush...especially the part where the man tells the woman "I love you for eternity." Ah, forty nerdy. Got it.

Hope y'all have a great day, and know that somebody loves you forty nerdy.

Am I a loser? Perhaps...but a loser who now owns a certified autographed 8x10 glossy of Todd Hollandsworth! (Seriously, why does this make me so stupidly happy?) 

Oops.

I forgot the most important part...the tagging!

Again, I don't know how to do the fancy links, so work with me!

DocAmazing (http://docamazing.blogspot.com/)
Mark (aka pastor guy) (http://akapastorguy.blogspot.com/)
Randi (http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=rlbahnick)
Alison (http://alisonstrobel.blogspot.com/)
Aunt Gail (http://tattooedthoughts.blogspot.com/)

Now get to work!

Lub!