Those are the words that have been rattling around in my brain today. The thing about dying is...I actually called a few of my friends who have lost someone, and asked them about it, what they think the thing about dying is.
Dan lost his father a few years back, and he said the thing about dying is that it can't be undone. No matter how hard you desperately wish for another five minutes, for another dance, another hug, another smile, it can't be undone. It is, for this life anyways, a closed book, not a single chapter left to read. He said that when he looks back, he can't help but think of the things he said that he wished he hadn't, and the things he didn't say that he wishes he had.
Chris lost her mother in 1996, and she said the thing about dying is that life still goes on. She told me how it hurts when she thinks about all the things that have happened since then, and that will happen, that her mom didn't get to share. Weddings, and babies, and new jobs, and, well, other deaths. She told me that she is happy her mom isn't in pain anymore, but she is so sad that they don't get to do life together anymore.
Theresa lost her husband last year, and she said the thing about dying is that it is inevitable, but still unimaginable. She told me about her wedding, and how she promised to love him til death, and she meant it but she had no idea that it was only three years away. She said that while we all know in a cognitive sense that we will all perish one day, we are still so taken aback, so destroyed, so surprised when it happens to someone we love.
Dorothy lost her teenaged daughter 8 years ago, and she said the thing about dying is that it changes everything. One day she was a busy mom of four, and the next day, a brutal virus had taken her daughter, and changed the trajectory of their family's lives forever. One day she was picking out a college, and the next day she was picking out a casket. One day she was bright and happy, and the next day she was in a downward spiraling depression. One day she loved God, and the next day she needed God.
Tommy's dad died when he was only 13, and he said that the thing about dying is that whether there is a long, painful illness, or an unexpected end, its a sudden impact with a ripple effect to those left behind. Like the ocean, the tide goes in and out, with ripples left behind somewhere out there. Whether it is a tidal wave, with a giant impact, or a tiny splashing on the shore, behind it are ripples. "Those ripples form and change lives...my life, which changes your life, which changes the next life, and it goes on and on. In the present and for the future...everything has changed course, and can never be the same." He told me that he wonders what kind of man he would have grown into had his father been alive through his adolescence, when he grew into the man he is now. "Would I be the same? Probably not..."
Myself, I think the thing about dying is all of those things, and some more. The thing about dying is that it is permanent. The thing about dying is that I am still here and still going. The thing about dying is that I will still lose more people that I love, and I, too, will die. The thing about dying is that I have a different life now that I have lost. The thing about dying is that my loss has changed me, and those changes will change the people I love, which will change the people they love, and so on...
And the thing about dying is that one day, I will have the answers. One day, I will get to know, see, have the truth, and I will know the thing about dying. The thing about dying is that one day, it will not matter. Today, it is hard, and lonely, and raw, and painful, and broken-hearted, and ugly. But the thing about dying is that one day, when my name gets called, it will not be any of those things for me. It will be a calling home, a celebration with my God, a dance, a party, a true and complete joy. That is the thing about dying...
What do you think is the thing about dying?
Go ahead now, post it as a comment. It doesn't have to be a big deal, just answer exactly as the friends I asked did it...
Finish this sentence for me: The thing about dying is....
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
21 comments:
Very cool perspective Katie.. I love you..Aunt Gail
Very well put Kate! Did you ever think about writing as a career?
Erin
The thing about dying is... that I feel like... as a Christian, I shouldn't be afraid of it - but I am.
It happens to everyone, but we're all still stunned when it happens.
The thing about dying is that it doesn't get easier each time you loose someone you love.
The thing about dying is that when you put it plain and simple it sucks!
The thing about dying is that it's totally out of our control. There is nothing we can do to stop it, avoid it... and it is the one thing we know nothing about until it happens to us. It is one of the only things that makes us go, "One more minute", "What if I'd done this..." It makes us wish as hard as we will ever wish (for time back), makes us physically ill as we mourn, it makes us hate God but have to rely on Him even more.
It is a cruel and unusual punishment that is the only way we can give in to a God that knows all we never will. Inevitably, we are blessed by His strength, grateful for the time we DID get, and I think that dying is the only way we will ever understand the unexplainable.
The thing about dying is that you are never ready for it. No matter how it happens...you are never ever ready.
The other thing about dying...you can never really explain it to a child. They have these protective goggles on through their youth that seems to make the ugly harsh truths of life bounce right off them... that is until they sleep. It is their dreams that leave me shaken. The thing about dying is I cannot take away the nightamres that seem to come for my little one who does not understand it. I guess that was a lot of things...but hey...it is not a simple topic.
I posted my response on my own blog because I didn't want to take up a ton of space on yours. :)
alisonstrobel.blogspot.com
-Alison
The thing about dying is that it's happening all the time, everyday, every moment, and we still seem surpirised when it happens to someone around us, like we didn't see it coming eventually. You'd think that we'd get used to the idea of leaving (heck, I leave my friends everyday without a second thought when I go home - but they know they'll see me again, so that's different. But they don't really know, do they? But more on that later) and we are so devastated when the realization that a person has been removed from the face of this world and plopped into the next. The thing about dying is you can't see it coming, and you have to go on with life as if it didn't.
The thing about dying is you just don't know...nobody knows. No matter the culture, the religion, the age, the anything...we just don't know.
Hi Katie
We don't know each other-I randomly stumbled across your blog but I read it often because it's very moving and inspiring. You have a really beautiful way of stating things. Although I don't know you or your family I pray for you.
I wanted to add my $.02 if that's okay. I agree with a lot of what's been said here and I think the thing about dying is that I am not afraid of it for myself. I know it will be just the blink of an eye and then I will be with my Jesus and hearing the words "Well done good and faithful servant" and I look forward to seeing all my loved ones that have gond before me. It hurts more when it's someone else's death because even though I know if they're saved then they're with Jesus and hearing those words, but I still want them here with me. Even though I know I will see them again. it's the waiting for that day that is so hard.
The thing about dying is that sometimes it is a blessing since the person is suffering so much. My parents and oldest brother died of cancer and we all wanted a miracle but ... We knew it was coming, we all saw them literally dying in front of our eyes and the only thing we could do was accept it and ask God for strength and comfort to get through each day. In those situations we grieved along with the dying person and had time with them to say goodbye. But when death is sudden the grieving does not start until after the death and we don't get to say goodbye or grieve with them and we are left with more questions then answers. Either way we want them back but know it will not happen until our death or when Christ returns. Love, Mrs. H.
The thing about dying is that it's part of the circle of life. Not to be feared but to be embraced as the end of a grace-filled, saved life. Knowing we'll be with Jesus and seeing everyone who has gone ahead of us waiting for us to be there with them just gives me a sense of peace about it.
the thing about dying is...you know it's going to happen to you, to EVERYONE, and it makes you think, "so are we just killing time?" If everyone dies eventually, what's that darn point? Even if we make the world a better place and are the best person we can be, we will die and so will all the people we're helping. So I think we should just be as happy as we can in the short time that we have, make others as happy as possible, and try not to infringe on other people's happiness. That may seem simplistic and bleak, but are we really that different than other living things? Everything that was ever alive eventually dies. Do you think the ant that you stepped on walking out your front door this morning who had the unfortunate outcome of living life as an ant is any more special than we humans are? Are we that pompous to think that we are? If we are made "special" in "His image", why isnt that poor ant special also? Didnt God love that ant enough to make him human? Ok, I'm on a rant and I'll stop now. I guess my point is, we should just make the most of the time we have b/c we will all be that ant someday.
Wow.... Just...Wow! You are so insightful, Katie. I love reading you, and I am so glad to have met you through Heidi and Mandy.
I have been reading your blogs from the very beginning and I have to say your all very forgiving for something God has said not to do. We critize the the people who were born with an alternative love interest but we forgiving someone taking their own life. I don't remember reading anything that Jesus said we should forgive anyone who takes what God has given us - life! I am so angry at Laurie! PERIOD! She has taken away not only her future but the future of her family and of the future of friends and future friends! She decided that her life was not what God had planned for her even after she had done so much good in the world. Even after resurrection Jesus did not mention that Judas had taken his own life for his errors. Why would he forgive her? I am angry, frustrated, and confused with Laurie! Why would God forgive this! How/why could Laurie believe she would do more good in heaven than on earth!!! Someone explain it to me!!!! I do not want to affend any family members but I need to express my anger with her. She was a coward and took the greatest gift given to her by God and Jesus - her life!
The thing about dying is that as much as I don't want it to come for me, it will. I can't say that I FEAR dying but I don't wish for it either. All I can do is let my loved ones know how much they mean to me & hope they remember me favorably once my time has passed.
I end every phone call, e-mail, letter & visit with an "I Love You". It is something I have done since I was in high school nearly 20 years ago. That in itself brings me peace.
when something or someone dies ... it makes room for something or someone else to live, but part of those lost lives on forever. we will all die one day, and then we will be together with all of those we have missed so much. so my thinking of it all is ... make as much of an impact as possible while u are still around down here :)
back to the basic question that Katie asked - the thing about dying is...
If a person knows he or she is dying then sometimes it is hard to let go and die because of the unanswered prayers.
We are told to have faith, hope....
we wait patiently for answers. Unfortunately, the answers do not always come, at least not on this earthly realm. So, that's the thing about dying, particularly as it would apply to people who actually know they are terminal (including very, very old people who are at the logical end of life's journey).
Ps: The hijacker who continues to disrupt these very interesting Katie-blogs is quite self centered, much the opposite of what Jesus preached, I dare say!
peace for the departed
pain for those left behind
Post a Comment