It is time to be undone.
I have never claimed to be an angel. In fact, I'll be the first to tell you I am one of the least angelic people God ever made. I have committed egregious sins, told hurtful lies, abandoned my faith and my family. I have come back to God and my loved ones many times, and still walked away many times too. I have used words as daggers, and thrown a few punches. I have been fraudulent, and dishonest.
I have made sickeningly bad mistakes.
Call me every name in the book. Pray for me, hate me, be disturbed and disgusted by me and every decision I have made and will make. Do what you will, but know that your words and judgment and anger do not belong to me.
Whether you admire or despise the things I am doing and the changes I am making, whether you agree or not...It is entirely irrelevant. Even if you don't believe it, it is irrelevant. I am making the choices that I am making. Me. The choices that I believe in...Me.
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
Wednesday, December 14, 2005
hmmm...
Dearest Anonymous,
First, I don't speak for everyone, only myself, but I want to let you know that I hear your angst, and I lament with you on many levels. The pain Laurie's death has brought to our family, our friends, and strangers alike has been monumental. However, the issue of forgiveness is a different story altogether from out human anger.
The fact is, God knew the very moment he created Laurie how she would die. He knew, yet she was still so valuable to Him that He gave her the precious gift of life, and free will. He loved her the moment He placed her into our mother's womb, and He loved her the moment she held her breath forever. The love He has for her, and always will, is positively imcomparable to any we might ever have had for her, and as much as it pains us, it is simply NONE of our business.
When she came to Him at the moment of her death, the only thing there was God and Laurie. The words they shared are something we never, ever will know, but there is one thing that I know, simply as a human mother...no sin could my child commit on this earth that would ever cause me to call him invaluable, unloved, unforgivable. And if I am a mere human, just a girl on this earth, who feels this way, how much more must the God of the universe feel for one of His children?
The thing about sin is that, as bad as Laurie's choice of suicide seems to us here on earth, the truth is that you and I have committed sins just as horrific and awful, and 100% shameful to God TODAY. We did it yesterday, and will do it again tomorrow. That is the thing about sin...every single one is equal in the eyes of God. EVERY ONE. The little white lie you told this morning, and the glaring look I gave to someone today. The lustful thought my friend had, and the candy my son took from his sister...each of these are punishable by one thing, and one thing only...eternal death. Hell.
The grace of God. But for the grace of God, we would all be going to hell for what we did today. Laurie, and you, me, my friend, my son...all of us have fallen short of the glory of God, and deserve to suffer, to die, eternally. When God sent His son to die on the cross for our sins (our mistakes, our errors, our wrongs, our lies, our theft, our cruelty...they are all equal) He NEVER said that there were limits. He knew then, He knows now, and He will always know that we are fallen, we are bound for sin. He chose to allow us that chance to come to Him, and be forgiven. He chose to offer us salvation. By His unfailing grace, He said that every sin we could ever think of would be forgivable.
Laurie loved God. She begged for His mercy in her final note. She used her life to be a good and faithful servant to Him, and just as He forgave the many other little sins she committed in her life, He forgave her for taking her own life.
All sin is the same, it is equal, but to the same point, it is also a personal issue. The day I come before God, it will be only myself and Him. The day you come before Him, it will be only you and Him. Honestly, I do not know what He will say to you, or me, or to a gay man, or a murderous woman, or a child who cussed at school. We have but one God, and one life, and ONE audience at that moment. For this time, I will choose to honor what He has placed on my heart for my life, and honor those around me (whether I agree or not) for the mere fact that the faces I see are the faces of God's children.
God's children...each one.
First, I don't speak for everyone, only myself, but I want to let you know that I hear your angst, and I lament with you on many levels. The pain Laurie's death has brought to our family, our friends, and strangers alike has been monumental. However, the issue of forgiveness is a different story altogether from out human anger.
The fact is, God knew the very moment he created Laurie how she would die. He knew, yet she was still so valuable to Him that He gave her the precious gift of life, and free will. He loved her the moment He placed her into our mother's womb, and He loved her the moment she held her breath forever. The love He has for her, and always will, is positively imcomparable to any we might ever have had for her, and as much as it pains us, it is simply NONE of our business.
When she came to Him at the moment of her death, the only thing there was God and Laurie. The words they shared are something we never, ever will know, but there is one thing that I know, simply as a human mother...no sin could my child commit on this earth that would ever cause me to call him invaluable, unloved, unforgivable. And if I am a mere human, just a girl on this earth, who feels this way, how much more must the God of the universe feel for one of His children?
The thing about sin is that, as bad as Laurie's choice of suicide seems to us here on earth, the truth is that you and I have committed sins just as horrific and awful, and 100% shameful to God TODAY. We did it yesterday, and will do it again tomorrow. That is the thing about sin...every single one is equal in the eyes of God. EVERY ONE. The little white lie you told this morning, and the glaring look I gave to someone today. The lustful thought my friend had, and the candy my son took from his sister...each of these are punishable by one thing, and one thing only...eternal death. Hell.
The grace of God. But for the grace of God, we would all be going to hell for what we did today. Laurie, and you, me, my friend, my son...all of us have fallen short of the glory of God, and deserve to suffer, to die, eternally. When God sent His son to die on the cross for our sins (our mistakes, our errors, our wrongs, our lies, our theft, our cruelty...they are all equal) He NEVER said that there were limits. He knew then, He knows now, and He will always know that we are fallen, we are bound for sin. He chose to allow us that chance to come to Him, and be forgiven. He chose to offer us salvation. By His unfailing grace, He said that every sin we could ever think of would be forgivable.
Laurie loved God. She begged for His mercy in her final note. She used her life to be a good and faithful servant to Him, and just as He forgave the many other little sins she committed in her life, He forgave her for taking her own life.
All sin is the same, it is equal, but to the same point, it is also a personal issue. The day I come before God, it will be only myself and Him. The day you come before Him, it will be only you and Him. Honestly, I do not know what He will say to you, or me, or to a gay man, or a murderous woman, or a child who cussed at school. We have but one God, and one life, and ONE audience at that moment. For this time, I will choose to honor what He has placed on my heart for my life, and honor those around me (whether I agree or not) for the mere fact that the faces I see are the faces of God's children.
God's children...each one.
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